EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
