He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
