I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
