Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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