We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
