i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
