I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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