Your face is a jimmy john
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
