So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize