What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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