last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
