Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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