My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
