So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
