physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
