Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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