And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
