i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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