You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
