Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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