you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
