I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need water and some morals
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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