dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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