Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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