It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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