Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
