Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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