white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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