; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
