Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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