This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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