Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
