I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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