rhymes with "ouble enetration"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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