My Higher Power is John Stamos
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to cum in my sink.
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