There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
