I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize