Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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