well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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