So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
