Just cropdusted the office
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
