I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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