Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
