well I can't set my house on fire every night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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