Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
