My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
