omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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