but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
