I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
