So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
