her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
