So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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