honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
