Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
