Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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