The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
