He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
