So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm at about main and main street
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
