am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
