dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
