Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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