i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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