I want to stick my p in your. b.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
