Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
