Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize