I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
