Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
