the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
