I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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