Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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