And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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