oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
