My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize