If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
