she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
