You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
