dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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