I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
