My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
