someone get that fucking seahorse.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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