Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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