My liver just broke up with me...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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