so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
