hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
