even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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